The kind of "Falling off the wagon" I refer to is in reference to, not a diet but similar to alcoholism - it's "excessive foodism".
As a food addict myself for as long as I can remember and probably beyond that - I am on and off the so called ‘wagon’.
I believe this can be embarrassing and draining to women who have long standing weight issues. We can tend to make ourselves believe we are wrong for doing it and we are still ‘not getting’ what all these other “thinner” ladies get.
There’s nothing to ‘get’ or ‘fix’! It is an addiction to food.
I have come to accept, like with any other form of addict; I will always be an addict.
Yet there is something you can do to ease the burden of food addiction. There are the straightforward strategies - similar to the ads around at the moment for smoking are saying – “know your triggers” and stay away from them or support yourself in situations you can't get out of. These methods are simple to learn and require some effort to use.
However the main notion I work on is; to live each day working on not acting on the urge to eat what is not great for my body or what gives me mood swings or hormone issues or highs and lows, crashes and withdrawals etc.
(Not eating or acting in a way that makes me feel less
than alive and present with authenticity)
I have continually strengthened a guiding force which has me choose not to go down the easy path to numbness and sedation using food (usually in excess or soothing high calorie foods).
I know this type of avoidance causes a spiritual pain and disconnection from leading a full life - and typically this dissociation from what my current and perhaps uncomfortable reality is at times, can lead to physical disease and mental issues etc. –discomfort in mind, body and spirit.
After choosing the easy path for so long, I couldn’t bare to be that unwell and I decided to take a few different steps in another direction.
Yet the addiction is still present, but not always active. Each time it is triggered it is further and further apart and I am quick to awake up to the triggers and unconscious sabotages that are habitual and instinctually hidden.
And I get quicker and smarter about how to get back on track or a lot of the time now I notice what is going on and employ my supports to stop the addiction playing out into actions from the very beginning.
I doubt there is anything that will ever completely remove this urge. I know people are out there saying you can 'get rid of it' or 'fix it' etc.
With my understanding and experience I believe at any moment, at any crisis big enough to bump you off the 'I'm in control of it' or ‘it’s gone’ belief, it can be present once again, sometimes more fired up than ever before particularly if you have used avoidance, sedation and numbing tactics of unhealthy suppression.
Again, I want to stress that it is not about weight loss or dieting and choosing low fat or sugar free or reduced salt or whatever the typically diet trends are currently selling and pushing down our throats but the will to consciously choose to have a healthy body, mind and soul no matter your shape or size.
As an addict of excessive foodism, I choose each day to eat food and partake in activities that improves and stabilises my being on all levels. To, in every moment, decide I am worth taking care of me. That I am of infinite worth.
In every moment, I want to look after my health - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, to experience life, to grow as a human being and contribute to me, my friends and family, my town, society and the world.
This is worth not following the easy path to stuffing my face full of whatever I can get my hands on or piling in my particular ‘food drugs’ of choice until I cannot move or think and come to think of it – hardly breathe either. (Not so much fun!)
This is not an easy task, this philosophy and approach to life is not something you do once a year like a diet and ‘be good’ while trying to lose weight but live it, daily, hourly and better yet minutely to realize your fundamental contentment within yourself.
In the past, if I embarked on these healthier choices for any other intention or reason other than my growth and contribution, I find I fall flat very quickly. If my misguided intention stems from a minor or (dare I say it) trivial event (in the grand scheme of things), like getting ready for a wedding or holiday or summer or proving "I can do it" to some person that referred to me as, let's face it, "fat", then all of my energy and effort is coming from a negative beginning.
But when the intention comes from your ‘being’, you choose life, choose yourself (and your priorities) then the incentive is far greater and so much stronger - it can last and get you through the toughest of times.
It's your guiding light, your source of strength and where you cultivate your inner resilience to be free.
This way of being is not about looking at all the things you 'can't have' but completely being with all the things you 'can have', to make continually choosing decisions that move you closer to contentment, more rewarding and a longer lasting satisfaction.
You are choosing to go beyond the aspects of short lasting pleasure and temporary relief or distraction from restlessness, anxiety or pain in the present moment.
You are able to do this.
Notice what you have achieved in your life, you did not reach these accomplishments without your conscious input in a particular direction.
What are you choosing, in this moment to do, that can potential change the course of your whole life…. “Epic”!
NOTE: If you can relate to this and would like further understanding and help please seek further support from me or any other support person. Or if you know of someone who might be in need of this information please share. Thank you.
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Confessions of a food addict... Part One
July 11, 2015
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