How asking 4 simple questions can turn your life around…Book Review
This Month was Bryon Katie Month… The ladies in the spiritual book club were reading “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie.
I have read this book many times over the past 5 years. It is the primary method I use to inquire into the thoughts that cause me to feel upset, disappointed, annoyed, hurt, offended and unhappy and any other feeling and emotion that leads to suffering and pain.
The insight and profound nature of the 4 questions offered in this book may not hit home for some. In fact, many women found the book to be challenging in general. It will not be for everyone, but the ones who persevere with the complexities and the unnatural way (at first) of looking at life, can have it lead to a turning point in one’s existence.
This book offers another way to view a person or situation or even yourself. As humans we can be trained to see life in two ways – right or wrong.
If I am right then that must mean you are wrong. Right? True?
We tend to gravitate to the way that is right and stick to that. In this ‘rightness’ we have many thoughts and beliefs that are geared towards being in our favour (from our mind) to have any situation turn out on our side– the right side!
This ‘right/wrong’ fear arises from the ‘justice system’ – if you are wrong you are punished. No one wants to be punished, even if it means living in suffering and in false reality.
People choose every day to be right in war instead of free. This is madness. Yet people will still choose ‘right’.
Unfortunately, when it comes to everyday living in your life, being punished from this mindset does not apply.
For example: if my thought was ‘I need to be understood’ and in my perspective I believed no one understands me – that means ‘they don’t understand me’, which leads to them being wrong for not understanding me and me being Right in my perspective.
“They should understand me”…
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it is true, “they should understand me”?
How do you react when you think that thought?
I feel annoyed at them, I think ‘what’s wrong with them’ and ‘what’s wrong with me that they don’t’, I always have my back up when I come in to contact with them, this is not a peaceful thought as it brings tension, passive aggressive notions, and general discomfort in their presence and feeling upset that they don’t and they should! (suffering)
Who would you be without that thought?
Freer, lighter, neutral in their presence, more time freed up to do things I love as I feel better within myself, not bothered with their business if they understand me or not. I can go about my life! (freedom)
Turn it around – this is where the power is – if you are ready…
“They should understand me”
The opposite - “they shouldn’t understand me (because they don’t)”…
REALITY. And how do I really know they don’t…really – I can’t read minds.
To the other - “I should understand them”… Do I? Can I… truly understand another human being fully?
To myself - “I should understand me” … this is more about what’s really going on here. Can I ever really understand myself - if not, then how can I expect others to?
To my thinking - “It’s in my perspective or in my thinking that ‘they should understand me’”…it’s only a thought, it doesn’t have to be my reality.
Byron Katie simply offers a way to see your way AND all the other ways that are also apparent in reality. She gives us an opportunity to see our thoughts and beliefs from all angles – right, wrong, good, bad, truth, lies, real, false…. All is so and evident.
Once she gentle guides you to see the real big picture, she asks you to find the actual proof that, in fact, all viewpoints and perspectives are possible.
And you, in the ultimate driver’s position, have the last say as to whether the thought or belief is true or truest for you and do you wish to live your life unattached and non-reactive to thoughts or choose being Right over Free a little longer.
If you value being free over being right… this is the book for you!
Katie’s genuine and sincere loving nature can open you up to amazing possibilities to see things differently – minus the suffering!
“Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.” - Byron Katie
Once you meet reality there are no stories only truth.